For the last year or so I’ve been feeling quite homesick. After graduating moving to Sydney, I used to explain my year in Sydney by referring to the children’s fiction classic “Heidi” written in the late 1800s, when Heidi was in Frankfurt and felt empty and sad despite having “everything”. She missed the fresh air and her grandfather. I’ve spent a good year wondering how I could feel what I felt when I by looks of it had everything. Frankly, it was quite annoying. I felt like a spoilt brat and told myself to get it together. Tears of anger and confusion kept popping up.
No one forced me to move to Australia. I wanted to move to Australia. I wanted to start fresh. New chapter. It didn’t cross my mind that I would ever want to move back. That’s why everything felt so confusing. Even after arriving in Norway two weeks ago I still couldn’t understand why I felt so miserable, until I went outside to chop some wood with my dad. It was this that had been lacking in my life for the last 4 ½ years. It was being outdoors. Being close to nature. It was chopping wood knowing we would use that wood to keep warm during winter. It was fishing, putting nets and puts out to make fish cakes and wonderful soups made from scratch. It was hiking up mountains greeting everyone we meet on our way with “hei!”. It was the fresh air and clean water.
And it was devastating. I did not plan for this to happen. I wouldn’t want to feel like this if I could choose, but I’ve come to realise that I can’t choose how I feel. Not on this topic anyway. I miss home. Regardless of how bitter cold and utter horrible this country is during winter. Despite currently living in a charming city (Newcastle) that has everything I ever dreamt about; long beaches, kazillion of dance studios, coastal walks, top notch cafeterias, gold class movie theatres, farmers markets, a surfing partner +++
Just writing this makes me wonder how the heck I am capable of feeling the way I do, but I guess all that I can do is to embrace it. Be brave and believe that our gut feeling knows best even when we don’t understand it. So yep, here I am, yet again, stepping into to unknown, closing one door behind me hoping couple of new ones will open up. Wish us luck!